Classical music has no shame about which stars to shine on their album covers.
“Hey, Hwayoon, Maximilian, and Roman, I have some thoughts about the photo shoot. You’ll wear black in front of a black background while Anne-Sophie and Daniil wear colours as bright as the fucking sun and sprawl all over the fucking floor. Wait, what? Well, of course, their names will be six thousand times larger!”
That’s just how shit works in the classical game. And it’s not Daniil’s or Anne-Sophie’s fault. Each of those motherfuckers in black have received a scholarship from Anne-Sophie’s foundation. Obviously she supports that shit. If all was fair and perfect each one of these motherfuckers would wear peacock feathers, top hats, and diamond encrusted gloves on the cover. And, even if you think Daniil’s and Anne-Sophie’s shit doesn’t stink, Hwayoon, Maximilian, and Roman play just as well. Make no mistake, these are five extremely talented motherfuckers. So, instead of writing an overview on the easily searchable stars of the show, let’s go ahead and spread that credit ’round a wee bit.
Hwayoon Lee: Monster violist has been playing mad heat ever since she was six. Singled out as the cream of the crop, inside a creamery of talented players, in her hometown of Seoul, she’s been winning competitions left and right ever since. Her weapon of choice? The Gasparo da Sálo (1590) on loan to her from the Samsung Foundation of Culture.
Maximilian Hornung: Rebel cellist who dropped out of school at 16 to devote himself entirely to music and study with the masters. After this, he formed a trio, which he also dropped from at their height, in order to focus his training on solo and chamber work. Nothing gets in the way of this motherfucker.
Roman Patkoló: Have you ever tried to bow a double bass? Do you know how big a double bass is? Dude started playing this shit at 13. And when this guy decides to get loud, he’s loud as fuck. You think that club got bass? That shit has nothing on Patkoló. He’s now a teacher at the School of Music in Munich.
So, why the fuck is this shit called the Trout Quintet?
Back in the day some hoity-toity motherfucker “suggested” to Schubert that he should do a set of variations on some earlier work called “The Trout”. That’s what this piece is. But, why mix fish and classical music in the first place? It’s cause of a shit poem all about a fisherman catching a fish, written by Christian Friedrich Daniel Schubart (the long fucking name doesn’t make the poem any better). In case you thought the poem was all innocent and shit, it’s actually thinly veiled symbolism about dudes cruising for chicks. Rods? Fish? That’s all the pieces Schubart needed to write garbage. The last stanza is some fucked up moral advising girls to watch out for those men and their rods, or as the poem suggests, “Seducers with their tackle! / Or else, too late, you’ll bleed.” It’s cheap ass fucking writing. And that’s coming from a person who fucking swears all the fucking time. Anywho, Schubert took this last stanza out, thank fuck.
If you listen, and forget the shit symbolism about watching out for scrubs, you’ll hear the piano and violin flutter and dance around each other like a fisherman with a fish on the line. It’s cool as fuck. The uniqueness of instrumentation really throws your expectations for a whirl. And, when that bass first dropped, it genuinely took me by surprise. But, more than anything, this piece is hard as fuck and performed by five absolute masters. What more could you want?