Dieter Schnebel – Schubert-Phantasie


This is one of those albums that just fucking owns you, floors you, K to the fuck O. Maybe you’re one of those people that think modern classical music sounds fucky. Maybe you think it’s weirdo shit made by weirdos for all those fucking weirdos out there. Maybe you’re nicer than that. Maybe you listen to this kind of shit and say, “I just don’t get it” and then move on. Well, if you’re any one of these, put this album on. I fucking dare you. Seriously, fucking do it. Listen to it. Right fucking here. Right fucking now. I’ll even throw out a link for you to make that shit easier. It’s fucking gorgeous. It’s a beautiful experience. It’s ethereal. It builds and moves as fluid as running water with the brightness and warmth of a summer’s sun. There are sharp cuts of tension that build and will make you uncomfortable at times. But, if you just hang the fuck on, you’ll see that with this tension also comes a release. So, take the plunge, get over your shit, and just listen. It’s half a fucking hour. What do you got to lose?

It was hard to choose a single album to commemorate the great Dieter Schnebel who died on May 20th. But this was the album that made me fall in love with Schnebel. This album is a remix of Schubert. It sounds like Schubert on a fuckton of drugs. And, honestly, who doesn’t want to hear Schubert high as a Deep Purple groupie? It was written for the 150th anniversary of Schubert’s death in 1978. 

Dieter Schnebel was not like the other motherfuckers in the contemporary classical world. Dude liked his Stockhausen, Cage, Ives, and Varèse. But this motherfucker also earned a degree in theology. Say what? Ya, you read that right. Dude was a fucking ordained Lutheran minister. He even wrote this piece called dt 316 in reference to Deuteronomy 31:6 which says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because the Lord goes with you, and will never leave nor forsake you.” That’s right, we’re getting biblical up in this motherfucker. Schnebel was also known to be cool as a cucumber. While other contemporary composers of the time used their batons like big swinging dicks, Schnebel was happy and enjoyed collaboration. This isn’t to say the dude was timid. Fucking far from it! One of his pieces uses a Harley Davidson motorcycle as an instrument. Scratch that, I was wrong there. Nine! He used nine fucking Harleys and a fucking trumpet! Dude was so far out of the box shit looks like a Lego piece.

I get it if contemporary classical music isn’t your thing. Shit can sometimes get so far up its own ass it needs to open its mouth to see the light of day. But then there are albums like these where you can experience blissful, pure, sonic beauty. You can travel worlds and dimensions on this shit while being as sober as a judge. What, are you afraid of contemporary classical music? Stop being a candy-ass. It’s just fucking music. And with Schnebel there’s nothing to lose and so much to gain. 

RIP you wonderful motherfucker. If there is a heaven, teach those winged bastards how to play.



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