You’d never guess with the most awkward band photo of all time, but these motherfuckers have balls the size of overgrown cantaloupes at a GMO farm. This album was recorded in the ’80s but it won’t sound like cocaine or spandex. This is that straight funky shit. And, more surprisingly than this, it was made in Sudan.
Welcome to the musical version of “Cool Runnings”, motherfuckers. Mind your hats.
If you’re one of those cynical assholes that think it’s difficult to pursue art now of days, you’re going to need to check yourself. The Scorpions will make you look like a fragile milksop pissing themselves cause the soup’s too cold. These guys are badass. Check it: They had this dream of being a funk band but, living in Sudan and shit, they didn’t have access to traditional western instruments. So, what do you do when you don’t have a drum set? You build that shit. They approached their local blacksmith, with a picture of a drum set in hand, and said, “Hey man, can ya try and make this?” The blacksmith, somehow, manufactured a frame. But then, what about the drum skins? The band went to a tannery and wrapped animal skin over the frame built by the blacksmith. This isn’t the only story The Scorpions have like this. You know what they did to their poor acoustic guitars? They did up their own wiring and soldered that shit by hand. What about that bass? Thankfully, one of those band members was a carpenter, so he built that shit from scratch. You can guarantee these motherfuckers didn’t pull a Hendrix and light that shit on fire. They probably tapped that shit to their leg and would stab a bitch if anyone came near. You can’t get more authentically funky than that. And remember, this is all before they even knew how to play a single note. Now, that’s some mammoth sized gumption. Feel like a milksop yet? Personally, I feel like a milksop getting breastfed at a dairy farm while sitting in a pile of cottage cheese.
One of The Scorpions late founders, Al Tayeb Rabeh, was one of the first Sudanese to ever play the guitar. That’s for real. You’d think with all this homemade equipment that the album would sound like shit. But you’d be wrong. All the dedication that went into building their instruments also went into learning that shit. These guys are tight. They have solid horns, good drums, punchy bass, and slick fucking guitar licks on this motherfucker. On top of this, you get a distinct Sudanese influence into these funky jams that you won’t find anywhere else. This is the music of pure rebellion and a couple dudes with a dream. There’s a fuckton more to their story, but I’m not gonna ruin the whole surprise.
Everytime I listen to this album I find a new inspiration to do what I fucking want. Got a job interview? Listen to this shit for inspiration. Not enough confidence to stand out from the crowd? Try this shit on for size. Want to build a Jamaican bobsled team? Bring that shit. A Sudanese funk band? Why the fuck not? History favours the bold and adores the defiant. But if you want history to give ya a reach around you gotta do that shit with some pep in your step and a sweet-looking smile. It takes some huge fucking cantaloupes to break down social barriers, it takes sheer coolness to do it and look fly at the same time. The Scorpions are what funk is all about.